Riding in the car the other day, my friend asked, "Aren't you scared?"
She's centerstage, about two rows back, watching my life right now. And I laughed at the question. After a deep, very satisfying sigh, I responded, "What else? I mean, really. Why be afraid? What can happen?" Life is constant - not consistent, but constant. Good and bad. Ups and downs. And I have learned that my response should be relative to God's activity and presence in my life, not the events surrounding me. Whom (what) shall I fear?
There are always the unmentionable horrors of life to fear and agonize over: a natural disaster wiping out your most treasured memories or possessions, a terrorist attack threatening precious freedom, the loss of loved ones. And I am cautious. But I know that God tells me not to worry, for what will worry accomplish? And so I place these heart-issues in the hand of God. Only to very slyly snatch them back to "take care of them" myself? Do I think I'm doing God some sort of favor when I do that? No way! I'm doing myself a favor; giving myself all the control I can.
God's brought me to a deeper level that demands my hands be empty so that they can fully worship Him. I'm trying to scrub the adhesive from my palms that so easily picks up the details of my life and makes them mine again. I realize I don't have time. And, if I want to take no rest and give God no rest, I'll not have energy to grapple with the things of my life which I cannot control.
It's quite a comical juggling act to watch, making Cirque du Soleil look like child's play. But, more and more, God beckons me to look around my messy room and see what else I can clear out and make His possession. Let's see...
