Honesty.

Writers are such vital people in our lives and culture. They’re the people who put our souls in front of us, like a mirror, when we can’t describe what we’re made of. They're the people who put flesh and movement to haunting, indescribable parts of our journeys. Whether joy or despair, the best of writers are those whose words bring us empathy and comfort for things which, before, seemed unintelligible.

Sara Groves is one of those writers in my life. When I have felt vague oppression in my soul that had no frame. When I have wanted to say to someone what they really mean. When I needed to express joy, but my words couldn’t do it justice. I have always found expression in her music. (My Mother cautioned us as kids to not use the words “always” and “never”. “They’re rarely accurate,” she’d say. But this time, I mean it!)

That is why tonight was so special. For several years, I’ve mulled over lyrics or been comforted by the camaraderie I found in Sara Groves’ music. But I had never been to a concert! Until tonight. We sat only two rows back at this small venue, about eight feet from the songbird herself! And as she made her way to the keyboard, I was completely overwhelmed. Moved to tears. And she hadn’t sung a note! Honestly, I felt like a creepy fan, I'm not gonna lie. I started talking to myself, “Amanda, seriously. Calm. Down. You are out of control.” Until I realized, my response was actually very merited.

The truth is…Sara Groves has been "with" me in so many seasons of life. She has rejoiced with me over victories, interceded with me about broken relationships, helped me express frustration, fear and turmoil, walked with me through grief, held my hand through scary transitions, and helped me tell Jesus how truly I love Him. She has been a great friend and mentor. And here I sat…just feet away. The moment was so…personal.

It was as if I could see all the seasons of my life passing on a screen, the same voice lullabying me through them. Each song carrying another memory with it. Every melody bringing back stories of God’s faithfulness, healing and love. Songs of praise and dedication. Words that helped me mourn and rejoice in the same breath.

I couldn’t help it; I afforded myself the luxury of letting a few tears escape.

And I made a new commitment to myself.

What has made Sara Groves’ music so powerful to me all this time is her honesty. Her willingness to say the things others won’t. She has spoken vulnerable words which brought reassurance to my spirit, “You are not alone.” She has mentored me in sincerity and authenticity because I want to do the same. I want to speak things that will bring liberty to people, freedom that allows them be who they are, where they are. I want to be one of those writers who makes someone’s corner of the world just a little less lonely…

So, I’ll be getting a little more “honest” around here, this little blog. And if it doesn’t resonate with you, at least you’ll know how to pray for me! But I’m fairly confident I’m not the only one walking this path, quiet as it may seem.

The first of these "honest" posts is already written, actually. I'm just gaining a little more chutzpah before debuting it!

Until then...