When the Paradox Prepares You

Rolled over in the bed at four o'clock a few nights ago. And as I settled in to get back to sleep, I thought, "It seems just a bit cold in here. What's the deal?" I trudged to the thermostat and blinked awake enough to read it. "45".

Forty-five degrees! Inside our house! And to be honest, after adding a couple more layers of clothing, it wasn't that big of a deal. What with my raging pregnancy hormones and Webb's longterm, honorary induction to the polar bear family, it was pretty much my perfect version of camping:  comfy bed, indoor plumbing, night light, but with cool night air.

However, we figured we should probably look into remedying the heater situation since our baby's been a toasty ninety-eight degrees for nine months and probably wouldn't acclimate to forty-five real well. Yeah, we may be first-time parents, but we do know a few things. And, thank the Lord, it was a simple fix, just a breaker. 

Webb has been the best husband to a pregnant wife that has ever walked our earth. Have I mentioned that? Especially these last few weeks. I've had a slightly inconvenient onset of pregnancy carpel tunnel which makes doing almost anything more difficult than it should be. Especially anything requiring fine motor skills. Like snaps or buttons. Or writing. And he's been there to help with every task. Patient when he sees me trying to open something (anything!) and that look of total exasperation crosses my face. He just smiles and takes care of it. 

In all this weakness, I've been wondering:  why is it that the Lord saw fit to make me as dependent and needy as I've ever been right before the moment I'm sure I'll need to be stronger and more capable than I ever have? I have never felt so helpless as I have through pregnancy. Can't lift this, or reach that. My body won't cooperate. I'm exceedingly clumsy (as if I wasn't before). And yet in the coming days, I feel that the only version of myself I should be is the best, strongest, most capable one.

I feel Jesus using all my current handicaps to remind me that the most daunting things in life don't require any of our strength; They require His. I need the strength of the Lord in order to pass on strength to my child. I need the covering of my husband to serve as a conveyor belt of power. There's a pipeline, a channel, which must be intact for God's provision to flow in the best possible way. And I'm so thankful Webb honors the Lord and leans on Him for everything he needs to pass on to our family.

We have spent many days since the news of our little one praying that the Lord will help us keep the structure of our family intact. Asking Him to remind us to set our minds on things above, to then love and serve each other as spouses, and then to bless and nurture our children. Health begets health. And where we lack, God's grace builds a bridge. And what we cannot help or fix, God mends together.

None of us is strong alone. Interdependence, all leaning together, collapsing on the One who is all strength, is our only course of action. Our only path for wholeness and health.  

So, in all of my neediness, I suppose I can empathize greatly with this little boy who will grace our home soon and rely upon us for everything. Empathy is a gift. Compassion is a privilege. Strength is a shared commodity, distributed among us, flowing from the strongest to the weakest - making all sturdy. And I can't wait to snuggle our boy close and show him how able Jesus has made all of us.