Headed "Home" - A Very Relative Term.

"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

All day long. Awake, asleep - at work, at home. Today, it's really all I can think of. And not for myself. Today my heart is heavy watching those I love struggle, hurt and endure. And, where I would shield them all day if I could. And I would gather them into my arms, I realize my arms aren't long enough. My vision is not broad enough. My presence is not strong enough. I...am not God. I cannot "keep" those around me.

One of my friends said recently, "human love will always disappoint." And it finally hit home. No one's love is like God's. And though I have learned to look to Him for my love. My security. I trespass His sovereignty when I let others look to me for their safety. Or when I am foolishly proud enough to think I can be that love for someone. Keep them safe. It gives me a glimpse into the struggle parents have handing their kids lives to God. They want to care for them, take care of all theirs needs and make them happy. But they know in their hearts they cannot. And that beloved child must rest secure in God - the God who shields him all day long.

Kind of heavy - but it's what I'm thinking.

We're leaving today to drive to West Virginia! And I'm so excited to take a trip with my best friend. We need this time. But, driving into the past really feels like traveling back in time. And sometimes, going down that road (literally) is painful. I spent 17 years in West Virginia. And, honest to the Lord never really liked being there. I'm so glad God released me! But there's something about the place where you were raised that just gets deep into your soul. It's so bittersweet. Watching home videos in your mind and knowing that even the painful moments really have been used for your good. And that I emerged from the time spent there with treasures of friendship, family and identity that no one can mess with.

A couple years ago my Pastor spouted off a phrase that left an indellible impression me. Just in the middle of conversation, as she so often does (like one of those crazy preachers who actually live what they preach), she left me with a bit of wisdom that will serve me for a lifetime. "You can afford to be generous," she said to me as I left for one of my many college breaks. "God has been lavishly generous with you and you can afford to be generous."

I tuck that in my heart every time I head to Fairmont, WV. I can afford huge efforts and displays of generosity because I have received such ridiculously overwhelming love from God. Yep.

We can all afford it.

I'm Grateful.

"It's been a hard year; I'm climbing out of the rubble. These lessons were hard and healing changes were subtle." - Sara Groves.

I love that song, Less Like Scars. It's kind of the epitome of the last two years for me. I felt a definite shift in my spirit last month and I know the atmosphere around me has changed. The past two years have been full of opposition. They have been absolutely beautiful and invaluable. But very difficult - like walking in waist-deep water. And the shift to this new season is disorienting! Have you ever gotten off of a trampoline and tried to jump? Or out of a pool and feel you're still in water? Kind of like that. I have to keep remembering that God has changed this season; everything is not as it was.

But you know what - even through two difficult years, my heart has been overflowing with gratitude. For favor and friendship and a faithful and loving God. My precious friend got me a keepsake box last year. The top of it is inscribed with the verse, "There is a time for everything...a time to laugh, a time to grieve..." etc. But, embossed over the verse in big, bold, gold lettering is the word "LAUGH". Every time I look at that box I feel like my life has been encapsulated and all the affairs of it could be contained in that box. That just is me - life will go on, people will walk in and out, jobs will come and go, tears will run and doors will burst open and slam shut - but, in all of this, just laugh! Whenever I find the humor in something, I find a way to be thankful. I'm convinced humor is one of God's most precious commodities.

Pastor Clarence from Virginia Beach once said, "If you can't think of how to pray, just sit down and find ten things to thank God for." Let me tell you, this will get you praying! So...here's my big ten. The first that come to mind.

1. My family. What would life be - where would I be - without them? I'm especially thankful to have my grandmother with me for another holiday season.
2. A sense of purpose in my life. It's good to feel I have something to accomplish.
3. My education - formal and not. Wayne Cordeiro says there are two ways to learn: bruises and mentors. And, choosing the latter has made my life such a beautiful journey.
4. My job. I have the best job ever! Complete with plenty of opportunities to watch the hand of God move.
5. Friendships that far exceed expectations and dreams. My "lifers".
6. Troubles that have built my strength and faith.
7. Adopted parents - icing.
8. The opportunity to see miraculous provision.
9. LAUGHTER! Often and loud. And the people who encourage it - willfully or not.
10. Expectancy.