Oh, living the life.

There are many times in my life when I relish being single. Like any time that I lay down to take a nap and I think to myself, "Thank the Lord I don't have children right now; there won't be much of this napping when that happens." Or this morning, as I walked into my bathroom and chuckled because on the floor was a pair of high heels, my purse a pile of clothes and on the counter lay a towel and everything I had used to make my hair look as hot as it always does. :) Oh the life of a bachelorette. Isn't it beautiful? I leave when I want, come back when I feel like it, do whatever I want when I want. I'm sure marriage will be full of many more blessings than this, but I write it down simply so that everyone knows I will be fully aware of what I am relinquishing when I take someone's hand, one day :)

I had lunch with someone on Sunday who spent about ten years as a single woman in the ministry. Happily married now, she was so encouraging to me. I know there will be many things about ministry that get more complicated and complex with marriage. But to be single in ministry is something I'm not sure you can really understand unless you're there. There's this feeling that you're accomplishing a fifth of what you know is possible because you're missing a team member. And you know that the synergy that happens when two become one in ministry is unmatched in any sort of sports team or business group. But it's so beautiful to know that God has infused this moment with purpose. And the fifth of what I feel I'm accomplishing is dense and deep and not simply "done". It has such love and such pain behind it that no person can fully comprehend. And that fact creates an intimacy with Christ that surpasses closeness with any person(s). The God who sees me. Really sees me.

Our Pastor spoke Sunday about the fact that whatever we hold out is what is returned to us. If we hold out love it, generally, comes back as love. Hate as hate. Bitterness as bitterness. If we hold back relationship, it doesn't usually come running to us. And I have been deeply challenged in my heart to hold out love and to hold out relationship. The Bible tells us that, "he who wants a friend should show himself friendly." Though I have been very cautious. And I haven't held out relationship, true intimacy, for many people. I have recently come through a set of circumstances that showed me what I've been afraid of all this time. And yes, it hurts. Badly. And it brings up other things about my life and my past that I have glibbly slid by with until now. But, those same circumstances have served to leave me raw and open for God to work on some things I've been keeping Him from. And He's so faithful to make everything worth it. He really doesn't waste anything.

That's what's good.