Well, this weekend was pretty much amazing. I got to spend some much needed time by myself (which I felt like hadn't happened in about 6 months, and maybe it hasn't). It was like a breath of fresh air. I slept in, read, leafed through magazines, browsed car lots and dreamed and went to the park. Solo. Sigh...it was beautiful.
Well, I ended up going out to Bok Sanctuary in Lake Wales on Saturday. It cost 10 bucks to get into that place! I forked it over and thought, "this better be frikin good, lady." And as I drove the 1.7 miles into the actual gardens, I honestly felt like I was leaving everyone behind. It was great. I could hear everyone's voices that are typically right at my shoulders just drift off into the thick, humid air and be gone. And, finally, after six months, I exhaled. My shoulders resumed their proper placement much further away from my ears than they have been setting. My chest loosened. My headache ceased to bother me. And I looked up. I hadn't seen anything in a few months but my own feet as the plowed through the mess of my life. But today, I saw the world around me and it wasn't full of people telling me what to do or what they need. Just me. And Jesus. And He didn't really require much of me in that moment. Just sheer presence which was all I could offer, anyway.
My personality test says, and I quote, "Sometimes making meaningful conversation feels like very hard work." This is after a long diatribe about how I'm not an especially open person and I only let a few people into my life and I should try to be more sensitive to others (I am also, by the way, very "domineering" and "forceful" ;) Well, taking all this into account, it's totally obvious why I have been so overwhelmed. It's pretty true, what that personality profile says. I wish I could dismiss it. But, at the end of a couple serious conversations, I'm totally wiped out. Funny, huh?
Well, as I read through the history of Bok Tower and Gardens, it says that Mr. Bok (in 1930-something) had the tower constructed and sanctuary made as "a repose for the soul". And I laughed at how nice it must have been to be so wealthy. You're tired and need a place for rest? Have a place specially constructed and designated for your rest, whatever you find most peaceful and calming: acres and acres of land covered with flora and fauna and a 200 foot tower with an elaborate scene of the Garden of Eden displayed in its construction and hymns which ring out at various times in the day. Must be nice, huh?
What would you build? Where would you build? How often would you "repose"? Rick Warren says that a minister who will be of any use for any length of time must "Divert Daily, Withdraw Weekly and Abandon Annually". <-- Absolutely, 100% true.
I'm getting a little better at that. Specifically the abandoning part. I usually have not been abe to just "drop" something and get away. But now, I can drop it like a hot potato and run as soon as I have a green light. Love it.
So that's about all for this wonderful weekend. I think I'll be in pretty good shape with another 7 days just like that one.
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