Taking out the Trash.

"If you act like a trash can, people will put trash in you." 

It was a decision day for me. I don't know if any of the other interns knew it, sitting around the table that morning. It was my first summer internship as a ministry student. The first day of my first summer internship.

The words seared through my fragmented character, right to my soul. I knew I must change. Adulthood was at my doorstep. And before a real job, a marriage, or children, were indelibly affected by my lack of discretion, I knew I wanted this issue under control. I wanted control of my tongue and of the conversations I allowed to happen in my life.

Gossip is really the idea that my thoughts and words are more important than anyone else's. That my perceptions must be shared (except with the appropriate person, of course) because they are the most accurate and will, no doubt, reveal my wisdom and incredible insight.

And while I was busy making myself look smart, really what I was doing was shredding my character and reputation while I singed the edges of someone else's with my burning words and carelessness.

"If you act like a trash can, people will put trash in you." 

I have a journal full of notes from that summer, but I probably heard nothing more important the rest of the three months. My heart opened to those words and the Holy Spirit rested on me, "I forgive you. Now, go and sin no more..."

My whole future changed. I felt the rudder on the ship of my life readjust. Hope entered my heart. I felt clean, without condemnation, for the first time in a long time. I began to think of all the people I should make amends to. All the hearts I had hurt through immaturity, sinfulness, and selfishness.

I'd spent far too much of my time thinking I'd arrived because, by all outside assessments, I'd kept the rules. All the while, destroying one of God's most precious creations (His church) from the inside-out with my strongest weapon. Running my mouth.

I needed grace.

I know I made Him angry. I wondered why so many things in my life were in upheaval. I was LIVING IN SIN. A deeply rooted, slivery, difficult-to-detect sin. A sin that would have followed me all my life and most certainly obliterated everything I tried to build:  relationships, reputation, opportunities.

I repented. I took every step to change. I fail...more than I wish I did. And probably far more than I know. God has grace. My heart is after Him. Voracious about not being that person.

Do you know it? Do you feel the moment happening when someone's decided you're a trash can? It feels like a freight train you have no idea how to stop. And, instead of "offending them" by shutting them up, you smile and take in all the garbage. Desensitize yourself to this moment enough, and you'll start adding in your own trash. And soon, you'll begin to enjoy the whole process of getting your hands and heart filthy. 


Wonder why you always just "happen to come by" information? Why so often people love to tell you the intimate details of other people's lives? You're available for it. Something about you says, "Tell me. I'd love to hear all about them..."

The checklist of holiness is meaningless if we haven't seized control of the one thing we own which affects life and death. 

I wish I could keep others from treading the path I've walked. From wearing a "form" of holiness but shredding the hearts of those around them with careless words and deep hatred. I want to rush over and shake them by the shoulders, "You're killing everyone. You're the reason people hate coming to church. The reason so many do not feel safe with us. You're killing yourself. You're in the same list as the people you're slandering! (Galatians 5)."

The murder of a reputation is much closer to the murder of a person than we may think...

Are my conversations bringing life or death? Do people find comfort in talking with me? Or a confidante in their sin? Who am I, and who am I teaching others to become?

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. The choice is ours.