the "b" word

I've had some influential people in my life mention the "b" word to me. Relax - it's probably not the word you're thinking. But it is very pesky, elusive, difficult, and demanding. So, perhaps it's synonymous....

B a l a n c e . 

And I get so tired of hearing it. A balanced life. Balance the checkbook. A balanced diet. Keep a thoughtful balance in your relationships. My personality is given to generally anything but balance. I think all artistic people (and yes, I consider my artistic; don't burst my bubble) make beauty and create enthralling things through their ability to interpret and express extremes. But that's fun and entertaining in art. Not...everyday life. 

As such an extremist, the new lifestyle my husband and I have embraced has been challenging for me. Trying to find my 'balanced diet'.

I don't allow myself to indulge in any of my former food 'loves'. I haven't had chicken fingers since April 10. Almost two months clean! (Though the occasional Diet Coke slips in here and there.) Probably not a big deal for you; you've likely been eating grown up food for a long time, now! But I was sustaining myself on fried foods and basically huge portions of things you'd find on a kids' menu.

I'm coming to believe that I can have a food abstinence list (foods I absolutely will not eat) and still be balanced in my eating habits. Some days, this becomes another area of junior high peer pressure! I hear, "Oh, come on. It's just one *whatever*. Loosen up." But for me, it's never just one. 

So, part of being balanced is saying no. all. the. time. to certain things.

Yesterday, I listened to a message from Lisa Chan called, "Deny Yourself". As we started our new eating plan, people told me over and over, "You have to let yourself have a little of this and that every once in a while or you'll fall off the wagon." And that's true in some ways. It's why I don't mind eating just one cookie every once in a while. Or scraping some of the icing off a piece of wedding cake to enjoy, instead of eating the whole wedge. 

But "denying myself" has become part of my life. Especially as it regards the things I want most, which are usually the things that hurt me most.

Our culture has learned to say "no" to almost anyone or anything except ourselves. I don't say "no" to me, because then I'll be angry at me, and I have to live with me all day every day. But, saying "no" has become a form of self-love for me. Every "no" I say now, resounds a "yes" for my preferred future and the future of our family. 

Jesus said, "If you want to follow Me, you must deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow." He didn't say, "If you want to follow Me, make sure you make some allowances for what's outside my plan. That'll help you stick with me most of the time." 

Sometimes the best way to balance one area is to become an extremist in another. Want a balanced thought life? Get extreme about pushing out negativity. A balanced marriage? Be dogged and determined to always believe the best about your spouse. Balanced finances? Go crazy on debt and frivolous spending.

You see, it's a see-saw. You've got to put enough pressure on one side to bring the other up. 

The balancing act doesn't happen in the middle of your life. It happens in everything you do at the furthest edges. In all those places that seem to have nothing to do with anything.

...Where do you need to apply some pressure to find some balance?