When Webb and I married, September 2011, one of the first scriptural truths we set deeply into the core of our relationship was, "love is not easily offended." True love isn't offended when he forgets the trash, or she doesn't cook dinner for the third night this week. Love chooses to believe the best. Love says, "I can take that out, no problem," and, "She must have a lot on her mind. I'll order in for her." And! Love repeats those actions and beliefs e v e r y s i n g l e d a y.
We fail. We forgive. And we try again. Thank God for grace!
Offense is such an ugly thing. Offending is an ugly thing. And there is carelessness and selfishness demonstrated on both sides of an offense quite often. Look around you and watch as offense ruins relationships all the way from acquaintances to marriages. We see it in the media. Make a poor vocabulary choice, a misstep in sharing your thoughts, and stand in a stupor as the world sets your life up in flames. Ask Paula Deen.
The thing that reaches beyond annoyance or just making me shake my head at the ridiculousness and move on, and actually hurts my heart, is how often this happens in the body of Christ. The very Bride He set aside to demonstrate His love and show His compassion on earth, quibbles and stumbles over word choices or opinions and fails to hold out LOVE as the most important priority. This can stand preeminent as the reason we are losing credibility and favor in our world. Christ said they'd know us by our LOVE. Where's the love?
Webb and I wouldn't survive marriage if we chose to be offended or assume the worst of each other. How will our churches survive if we continue to let offending and offense dwell among us?
I read a great post from Mark Rutland this morning on the Paula Deen saga. He used the story to talk about this issue of offense:
"The next time you [say], "you offended me" remember that St. Paul says love is not easily offended. Probably the offensive speaker needs more love. Just as likely the easily offended and the frequently offended need to contemplate their own lack of love. Re-read I Cor. 13, especially verse 5. Check out what St. Paul has to say about taking offense." M. Rutland
One version of 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Love takes no account of the evil done to it. It pays no attention to a suffered wrong."
Do I have love? Do I have what it takes to refuse the urge to force someone to "make it right"? Do I have what it takes to be like Jesus? Do I have what it takes? I have Him. He is more than enough. I can get over it. I can refuse to be offended. And I can care enough for others to never want to offend them, and to candidly and openly apologize if I do.
My youth pastor always admonished us when we shared a grievance, "You know what your second step is? What you need to do now? Step 1 is getting mad. Step 2 is getting over it." Then he'd condescend himself to our childlike level, speak slowly and clearly, and say, "Say it with me, 'Get overrr iiittttt'."It helped. As an adult, I speak it to myself frequently.
None of us is beyond having our hearts hurt. And often the offenses are real. They're deep. And they have the potential to be lasting. My job, is to employ Love to help me do whatever I've got to do to care for others, and when I'm hurt by others, to Get Over It.
1 comment:
What a great word, Amanda! It is SO hard to love through offenses. I remember Joyce Meyer saying once that it should be really hard to make you angry or upset when you are a Christian, because you should be so focused on God and what He wants to do through you that you are far from easily offended. And, that's the key--where is my focus? There is great strife in my family right now, and it wearies me. I need to focus on pleasing God because I can't fix it. Thanks for sharing!
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