We have traveled our hearts out this summer, and we're not done yet! I definitely enjoy being on the road, seeing new places, and hugging family and friends. But I must say, I'm ready to be home for a while! Webb and I came home late a few nights ago, and I stood in our kitchen and said, "Man this house is so cute and cozy! We should totally move in here..." We laugh as much as we can.
Last week, during one of our road trips, I rushed into the gas station bathroom. (My bladder is not as patient as it was pre-pregnancy!) I realized the only feasible stall to use was still quite untidy, but I took my chances. Leaving, I saw beside the toilet a toilet brush and the urge hit me to really quickly clean the throne for the next person. Just scrub a little and wipe it down a bit. (And then of course scald my hands with water the temperature of 1000 white, fiery suns.)
But, I resisted the urge and gathered my purse, thinking, "The next person in here wouldn't even know how it was before. They wouldn't appreciate what I did for them. And the worker probably doesn't even care it's dirty. Why bother?"
I immediately felt shame flood my heart, rise up my neck, and blush my face. I was shocked at the reality of my motives. To be seen, to be appreciated, to be known as good. "Where is my servant heart?" I thought, "What have I become?"
It used to be my joy to perform unseen, unknown acts of service - A distant quality of our Father. All the fun was lost if someone knew it was me! What great excitement to serve someone in a way they didn't know they needed. I loved knowing that whoever I was serving could just receive - never feel obligated to repay, return the favor, or adequately thank someone.
And now here I am, wondering why I would serve in anonymity. I was surprised at my heart, and ashamed of its immaturity.
God whispered to my defiled conscience, "The true measure of servanthood is serving anonymously, serving those who won't know to thank you, serving those who may never respect or value you or what you do, and serving for an audience of One. Are you still my servant, Amanda? Or do you need more? Is the title "servant" enough for you? Or do you need others to praise you, appreciate you, applaud your efforts and 'selflessness'? Can you serve Me with gladness, know I see you, and be content with that?"
"I can, Lord. You know I can. Help me return to my first Love, and restore humility to my heart. I am sorry."
When your heart surprises you, it's time to let Jesus mold it over again. It's a potter/clay moment. We are given a distinct choice: submit and grow, or resist and diminish. If we choose to grow, He'll give the grace to do it.
7 comments:
This is amazing Amanda and very timely. I love this.
This is so true Amanda! I must need reminded of this very thing seeing that my devotional was on the same page.
"“If you are My disciple, you must be right not only in your actions, but also in your motives, your aspirations, and in the deep recesses of the thoughts of your mind.” Your motives must be so pure that God Almighty can see nothing to rebuke."
Thanks, Christiana! So encouraging to me:)
And Ashley, what a goal...motives so pure God's sees nothing to rebuke. I will aim for that with you.
Thanks for sharing this I really needed it!!!!!!! Mom
Thank you so much for sharing this. God sees it all, doesn't He? I love how He whispers in our ear. It can be corrective and still feels so loving. He is so good!
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