Happy Birthday...

Well, today, my good friend turns 25. We've been through a lot together lately: a tough move, tough decisions, both of us being sick, things being rough financially, relationships being messy. It's been an intense year. Last week, I turned 24, on the 5th of July. This week, she turns 25. And with these birthdays, we begin a new year.

Birthdays don't have to be big to me, but they have to be sincere, genuine. They are important to me because they mark the new year. Even more than January first. Because it's my new year. Well, because our birthdays are around the same time, for my good friend and I, this will be our new year. Another year of opportunity.

It's funny, friendship. Great friends are often like optional family members. Unless, well, unless it's just different and they feel just like family. Those are the once in a lifetime friends. The kind that are they whether they want to be or not. It's not an option for us in some friendships. And I'm so thankful that God has gifted me with opportunities to have 'family friends'. Especially being so far from family.

Someone was talking recently about not wanting to really show affection, especially physical, because of a deep-seeded fear of rejection. I can totally understand that. But for me, I have such a difficult time showing affection or love because I don't want people to know they're important to me. Sick, I know. But if they know they matter, then they know they can hurt me. And I really don't trust them not to hurt me, so I never tell them I care. That way, if I get hurt, I can act like I didn't and I never have to face it. Now that, that is one cracked-up cookie.

God's bringing me past that; he's using my family-friends. It's extremely uncomfortable but so very necessary. I'm not a hugger. I'm not a tell-you-how-I-feeler. But I'm learning that the people who love you most, who love you genuinely, will hug you and speak love into your life even when you're not exactly capable of returning the favor.

That's for real.