Don't Look Down!

It's always the sweetest irony how God aligns different moments of life. Two weeks ago, a friend of Gramma's invited her (and two guests) for a morning in a hot air balloon. She asked me and my cousin to accompany her and, of course, we immediately agreed. (I didn't mention that heights give me heart palpitations. Let alone experiencing them in a picnic basket attached to a stinking balloon).

However, the date we were scheduled to go was a super tough day for Gramma. There was just no way she'd be able to really leave her bed, let alone get tossed into a giant basket and flown into the sky. So, we postponed the venture indefinitely. 

Meanwhile, I became very anxious about my return trip to Florida. Care, caution, concern and completely freaking out are just inherent parts of my personality. But I've learned that, rather than just deny my anxiety or fear, I need to find the root of it and handle it (it leaves the enemy less room to mess with me). So what was making me anxious?

I made a list:

• The drive? Well kind of. But I have company so, not really. 
  
• Saying "see you later" to Gramma, possibly for the last time? I don't think so. I know she's in good Hands and I have already walked through much of the grief (as much as I can on this side of things). 
  
• Missing the rest of my family? Sigh. Toughy. Yes. I miss them. I hate leaving them. But, we've become well-adjusted to our circumstances and are actually a quite talented bi-coastal family. 
  
• So what is it? 

And, as He so often graciously does, the Lord gave me a word picture. Have you ever watched a film where someone has to cross over a raging river on one, narrow log? Or climb the side of a cliff without the benefit of a rope? And what's the phrase someone at the other side of the river or the top of the cliff always yells?...

 "Don't look down!!!" (Right, thanks.)

It occurred to me that much of life for me in Florida consists of things I secretly (not even audibly) asked Jesus to spare me from when I left my home in West Virginia to attend Southeastern University. 

"OK, I'll go. Yes. I will go. This is right. But please...I don't want to live alone. I don't want to pastor alone. I don't want to preach publicly - alone..." and the list continued. Basement level fears of my life. The kind you lock the door on because you have no intention of really facing them.

And, somehow, I ended up at Southeastern. Somehow, found a wonderful church. Somehow, landed a job. And, somehow, moved into my own apartment. The funny thing is, God pulled one over on me. It's like sneaking your kids their vegetables. And I never really saw that my life, in all its major areas, consisted of my largest fears! Until...

Until I got to Arizona. And until I started thinking about returning to Florida. And until...I looked down. And for a moment, I was like Peter. Oh me...of little faith. 

Awareness of your surroundings can do crazy things to you. The details of "reality" can send your head spinning, heart racing, palms sweating and knees knocking (I have been known to experience all these symptoms!) But, if you let it, the acknowledgement of the "impossible" situation can propel you toward a strength you never knew lay within your spirit. It can make you a professional water-walking, cliff-climbing, prayer of faith praying, powerful person of God. 

In the midst of these realizations, we finally rescheduled and took our balloon trip (full post to come; can't wait!). And what did I do when we arrived at our highest point? I tip-toed and leaned over the basket, peering straight down at the ground. Just to prove to myself that I can totally know what's up and not feel any fear about it. And I didn't.

There's a way to "see" the surroundings and not focus on them. 

I gazed at the ground, a few hundred feet below me, and smiled to myself...

This will be my last post while in Arizona. I have so much to say - notes jotted down all over the place! But I haven't had the time here to pull those thoughts together. Soon, friends! Stick with me! See you in the 863.