I'm preparing for a sermon: praying, reading, contemplating, studying. And, tonight, I feel very strongly what the Lord might say through me to His incredible people in this Young Adults group. He has taken a passage out of James and one out of Revelation and impressed them on my heart in such a way that I am begging Him to bring change and growth to my life and to the lives of these students.
This post is not a sermon. (If you want to hear that, come to Garden Grove Church @ 7 pm on Thursdays ;). This is the behind the scenes. This is the tug-of-war I wonder if other pastors, those far more distinguished and brilliant than I, have waged.
While I feel impressed so strongly in my personal time with the Lord of what I should say. And while I feel I have spent adequate time preparing for this evening (not just this week, but in the past 10 years). And while I'm confident heresy is far from my heart and my mouth. There is a heavy humility which always comes upon me before I deliver any message. And it's a gift - one that I must not mismanage and allow to become pride or self-degradation. I have, at times, allowed the heaviness of humility to sway me to either side, but I am learning the balance. The honor and privilege of being used of God coupled with the responsibility of getting it right.
So, here's what's on my heart tonight. I don't know everything. In fact, I know closer to nothing than everything on the spectrum of knowing "things". So, what really qualifies me to speak this word with boldness and authority as I feel I should? Is it knowing the Bible better than anyone I'm speaking to? Certainly not. There are people in our general congregation who have served as senior pastors for a combined experience of over 100 years. Is it that I have a "special" revelation from God that no one else has? Most definitely not. There are students sitting in this group who have prophetic dreams and words of knowledge that knock my socks off. Is it that I paid tuition for undergraduate and master's degrees which qualify me? Hardly.
It is simply this: God looked out and said, "Here. This is my gift of work for you to do. Do it with all you have." And I answered with a shaky but ever-so-sincere, "Yes, Father." And here I sit. A pile of Bibles in front of me. A heart trembling to make sure the message is clear. Palms sweating because I want people to hear God and not me. And eyes constantly looking to the Lord asking, "Are you sure You want me?"
The answer is always the same. Sometimes quiet. Sometimes bold and strong. But always "yes".
And His answer to you...is "yes".
Why? Because, "You are God's workmanship. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for you to do (Eph. 2:10)." He created you and then He gave you a perfectly fitting job description in His Kingdom. It's not a 9-5. It's a heartbeat. And He knows that you, just you, need to do that job. You need to. He doesn't need you. He chooses to "need" or use us. YOU need to do these good works.
You see, there is none righteous apart from God making us that way. There are none of us qualified enough. Beautiful enough. Strong enough. None. In Him all things were created and in Him all things hold together. He created works too big for us to do alone so He would have the good pleasure of doing them with us. I love working with Him...
So, just like Billy Graham, I tuck a Bible under my arm and walk to the front of a room. Eyes turn to look at me - but pierce through me, in search of God. And I open my mouth, trusting Him more with each breath and every syllable. I am not Billy Graham. I am not you. But I am me. And I am so thankful He has made me ok with that.
Now, back to the Word.
-Amanda.
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