to perfection.

Yesterday morning in getting ready for work, I turned on the flat iron for my hair. Walked around the corner, and plugged in the iron which sat atop my ironing board. While they heated, I neatly smoothed the duvet on my bed and did a quick check of the house for any out-of-place items. I ironed my shirt. And then, with 400 degrees of heat clamping down on my hair, I straightened every curly strand of it. 

I had to grin...

How many days look like this for you? For me, I begin, in the very first hours of the day, my quest for absolute perfection:  the perfect amount of time with Jesus, the perfect workout, the perfect outfit and the perfectly clean house as I walk out the door (all this must be followed by achieving perfect success at work coupled with perfect ebb and flow of relationships in my life). Crazy? Absolutely! Uncalled-for? Undeniably. Overwhelming? Indescribably. 

Last night, as we sat in small groups in Harbour (our young adults service), I asked our students the most significant thing the cross has meant in their lives. I expected several things, but I most certainly did not expect what I heard. The brilliant and lovely ladies who surrounded me responded:  freedom from perfectionism, performance and fear of failure. More than anything else. 

Grace. 

These girls (most tearfully) expressed this fear that they fight off daily. This haunting question which causes them to constantly look to the cross for an answer. "Am I enough?" 

I'm so thankful for the cross which has overwhelmed my life with an answer, a very simple one. "I love you." I will never be enough. But Christ has provided far more than what was needed. And He has given me everything He has. That's the reason "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...".

I've battled perfectionism most of my life. The root of it? Pride. Self-sufficiency. Fear. And when I was young, probably about 10 or 11, someone spouted the scripture "be perfect as I am perfect," and the enemy twisted it in my adolescent mind to compel me even deeper into the quest for flawlessness. 

As women, we know what accompanies that task:  condemnation, self-degradation, self-consciousness, even depression. The work of the cross in my life has brought freedom from the entanglement with these. But they stand beside my path and entice me at times. Beckon me. Challenge me (and my competitive streak loves a good challenge). 

During one of these particular battles, a few months ago, I took time to breathe. I got in my car and drove an hour to a remote park. I turned off the paved road and rolled my windows down. I walked trails under the cover of strong trees. I noted nature and how it is far from perfection yet brilliantly displays beauty. I walked barefoot in the grass and felt the earth under my feet (instead of a three and a half inch high heel).

 And I felt God's embrace. His reassuring smile, warming my cheeks in the sun. His voice spoke gently to me to step out of the race I was running and learn how to run to Him - again. To receive His grace and revel in  it. To just enjoy Him.

Today is your day. Your day to receive His grace and enjoy it! To let it replace the heaviness of performance or fear. To walk into abundance. Today. You're loved.